Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sometimes I really hate this disorder, like right now- this moment~ I feel like going in my room and shutting out the world. TS has come into our lives through our twelve year old son Brandon, along with obsessive compulsive disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. He has been struggling with these since he was two and a half, but didn't get diagnosed until about three years ago. Brandon has verbal as well as physical tics that come and go, but the most heartbreaking part of all this is the rage inside our son. Over the years we've had emergency services come to our home because we couldn't calm him down, he was arrested when he was nine for throwing a bottle at a friend who needed stitches in her head, suspensions from school, broken furniture, doors and holes in the walls. On top of the anger and behaviors, he has remorse and feelings of guilt and doesn't like himself very much, he really doesn't have any friends either because of these behaviors. We've been through years of counseling, individually and as a family, special programs, special education and meds. But none of that makes a difference if he doesn't do his part and use what he's learned. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I won't even get into the effect all this has had on his nine year old sister, let's just say she's the peacemaker of the family. It's heartbreaking to love someone with all your heart, yet be so angry and feel so helpless at the same time. Sometimes it's hard not to say "Screw this- I didn't sign up for this, I GIVE UP!" But we love him too much and we'll NEVER give up on him. My prayers and wishes for Brandon are~
"Please God, please let him come to love himself, learn how to be a good friend so he can be blessed with friends and wonderful people in his world, and a chance to have a normal, healthy and happy life."
Don't know why I went into all of this here, it's just been a rough couple of days. But we WILL keep smiling~ I hope you do too! Thanks for dropping by and hearing me today.
Hugs and Smiles~